We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
