You're completely useless in the revolution.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
