Got a toothbrush?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
