So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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