He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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