Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
