Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
