watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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