Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
