Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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