I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
