Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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