I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
