I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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