not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
