I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
