all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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