Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
