She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
