i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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