If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So many bounce houses so little time
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
