Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
