Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
