Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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