Do vagina's smell?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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