Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
