I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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