shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
