when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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