I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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