Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize