He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
