am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
