do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
