dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
