what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
