yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
