whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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