Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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