I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
