My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
