There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just took my morning after pill in the library
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
