Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
