I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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