nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
