I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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