Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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