remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
