A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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