I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
