Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
