i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
