Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize