the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
someone owes me an orgasm
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
