I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
