If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
