dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
