She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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