Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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