My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
