She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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