Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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