Quick, to the slutcave!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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