I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
