shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
