the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
