Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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