I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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