did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is classic penis vs brain.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
