I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
