i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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