She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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