You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
