im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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