oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
