oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
