Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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