Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
