I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
