the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
