she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize