I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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