In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize