Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
