i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
