remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
