We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
