All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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