fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize